I’m sharing this because I truly hope it touches a place in someone’s heart that longs to be seen and recognized.
There was an intense yearning that kept surfacing in Dharamsala — a call to be surrounded by mountains, fresh air, and rocks, and to settle into that space between answers and questions. So, I headed to Tso Pema to truly spend time in that way.
I arrived in Rewalsar and stayed one night at the Nyingmapa Gonpa, taking it easy, slowly tuning in to the place once again. I greeted the lake with a few circumambulations and spent time in my room meditating. The next morning, I woke up feeling excited and joyful, knowing that the coming days I would spend my nights in a “million stars hotel,” somewhere in nature.
The hike to the main pilgrimage site — the meditation caves of Guru Padmasambhava and Mandarava — began, and I enjoyed it deeply. In the intensity of the climb, my body began to purify itself. The path is steep, with many, many stairs, and carrying a heavy backpack made it even more challenging. But I paused often, realizing there was no need to rush — I had an endless amount of time. That in itself was both beautiful and a little frightening.
In such a place, every step is a step closer to the truth.
When I arrived at the holy caves, I offered some flowers to Princess Mandarava. I stayed there for a while, just being — fully myself, fully accepted, and fully loved. That love showed me the essence of it all — something beyond words. I can’t explain it now.
When I came out, the sun was slowly setting, and I still needed to find a place to sleep — haha. The surrounding hills were dotted with huge rocks, so I searched for an intimate, hidden spot to rest. As the sky darkened, I found a place between two large rocks with some bushes around. It was cold, so I had to make a fire. First, I hung some prayer flags, settled a bit, and began collecting wood. To my surprise, all the wood I found was covered in painful spikes. Still, I accepted it — it was the only wood available. It was perfect.
But it was more than just that. That’s when my practice truly began. In deciding to seek the nature of my mind, I had to let go — to acknowledge and admit the aggression that the spiked wood symbolized. I had to admit that I had been hurtful, to others and to myself, and that the root of that suffering was within me. So, with the intention of purification, I burned the spiked wood in the wisdom fire of that sacred place. The teachings that night were profound. I cried and chanted the Om Mani Padme Hum mantra. I was happy — truly happy with my decision.
I slept a little that night, but honestly, there was little difference between night and day. I woke with the sunrise and birds singing, under the rock I had rested beneath. The morning light revealed the mantra Om Mani Padme Hum carved into the rock. I felt so deeply gifted.
The retreat had begun — and it was full of joy.